What are some funny and smart quotes?

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

This Additive Is In Thousands of Foods in the US — and Could Be Disrupting Your Gut Health - Food & Wine

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

Quo adipisci nostrum sunt ut ducimus quaerat sit quaerat.

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

2000 times the volume of Earth! These scientists made a discovery, this planet in our solar system was twice as large 4.5 billion years ago. - Farmingdale Observer

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.